Swirly's Journals

i think i'm killing myself.. slowly.

i just had to save this conversation.
i can't believe i can support someone so much while they date the guy i like..

if you're actually reading this, and wish to understnd..

David, is the guy i like, and Bailey's boyfriend.
Jed is just one of my closer guy friends.

i have terrible luck with guys =/

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

hola~

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

I'm bored. .

_frazzlyram! says:

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

So how's life?

_frazzlyram! says:

haha

_frazzlyram! says:

mine's getting very busy D:

_frazzlyram! says:

but it's all good. :]

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

how 'bout you?

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

that's good!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

uhm. .

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

my life. . is dramatic. aha. and lame. But it's getting betterrr

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

yupyupyup

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

so over all it's alright

_frazzlyram! says:

aw drama usually sucks.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

yeah. . . i hate it. I want to shoot everyone who casues it. aha

_frazzlyram! says:

haha jk

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

AHAHAHAHA

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

rofl

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

so how is lief busy my love?

_frazzlyram! says:

i joined a couple clubs, plus piano and apparently, i'm now in church choir..

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

couple club? oh piano is fun! yeah my mother tried to teach me. . didn't work. i teachmyself--it's a bit hard. and oh fun church choir. aha

_frazzlyram! says:

a couple clubs; mulitculteral[GAG], and SADD..

oh yeah i heard your mom teaches piano.. but i heard after i already got lessons from someone else =/

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahah who did you hear taht from?

_frazzlyram! says:

uhh David and my friend Jed. i think he takes lessons from her

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

OH yeah JEd does! i love jed, ahaha. even though we hardley talk

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and david who/

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

_frazzlyram! says:

haha yeah Jed's cool.

David deguzman

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

Yeah Jed thinks im a freak.

_frazzlyram! says:

haha whaat?

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha. yeah, like at least i think he does.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and like shannon thinks he is FINE so she would come over and she would stakl; him throughout my house

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

aha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

don't tell

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and yeah Jed is pretty cute i have to admit. buuut yeah don't tell him that!

_frazzlyram! says:

HHAHAHA

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha, yeah its pretty fun! we have this mirror so we can see everyone playing piano in the toehr room

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

so tahts what we did the whole time

_frazzlyram! says:

yeah he is =/ i used to like him last year, but i got over it when i saw how lousy a boyfriend he was with everyone he dated..

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

oh dang

_frazzlyram! says:

hahahha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

yeah. . shannon likes Shane now and i didnt know him so i never did like him. i just liked to look. (:

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

so who do you like now then eh o' chap?!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

;]

_frazzlyram! says:

Shane?! meh.

haha yep, he's a looker.

_frazzlyram! says:

um.. i can't tell :]

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha i never met shane. i want to though! and funny thing, he wears the same style as shanons bro, and has the same name. BWAHAHA

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

finee don't tell me!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

aha

_frazzlyram! says:

woah. that's weird.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahah i know. my sister and i make fun o her all the time. INCEST!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

but eh. . wow tahts wierd people talk about my motehr like that

_frazzlyram! says:

yeah..

_frazzlyram! says:

well she comes up so randomly

_frazzlyram! says:

[in out conversations]

_frazzlyram! says:

**our

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

OMG

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

aha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

tahts. . . awkward!!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and our?

_frazzlyram! says:

yeah like once, we were playing tennis, and talking about how i just came from piano,

and david told me about your mom..

and then jed saw you on the bus, and was like "her mom is the one who gives me lessons.."

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

blah. yeah jed is stalkerish then. ahahaha.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and david is styoud. tennis is all he talks about now. ahaha. he says i should play but sports are too awkward

_frazzlyram! says:

hahah yeah jed's weird.

and david is like 14787% tennis..

_frazzlyram! says:

i thin you should, it'd be fun

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

PSH

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

i tried to

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

but david was like HIT HER WITH A TENNIS BALL then takoako did!!!!!!1

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

UGH

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

i will never forgive david for that

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and i tried to

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and i was alwaright. . but he HAD to ruin ti

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

rofl

_frazzlyram! says:

hahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

arent you guys going out?

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ehh have to be so direct

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

aha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

buuuut ehh in my world no. aha, i like to still say we are friends, beacuse im lame like that

_frazzlyram! says:

D: whaat?!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahahaha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

nahh its not like THAT

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

i mean

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahah its wierd. i mean its DAVID. some tall white skiiny chick with shjort tennis azn

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

rofl

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

btu yeah we are. .

_frazzlyram! says:

haha i've seen a stranger couple..

and i think you guys look cute together =D

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

BWAHAHAHAHAHA tahts the FIRST

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

this is Joyce's comparason--> I'm the most beautiful flower in the world, and he is a moldy banana

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

HAHAH

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and he thinks im not pretty so pshh w.e

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

aw. what a terrible thing to say.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

its not my fault

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

but at leasthe is honest!

_frazzlyram! says:

i think it's because you guys are so different that makes it seem so right..

_frazzlyram! says:

but maybe it's just me =/

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha i dont think its right. im suprised its actually somewhat working out. ehh im a horrible GF

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

and who told you we were together? besiddes the whole sophmore population

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

aha

_frazzlyram! says:

uhm.. what would you do to the person who told me? Â¬Â¬

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahah, noothing.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

im just curious. before yeah i would kill them, but im a bit over it now

_frazzlyram! says:

ok :]

_frazzlyram! says:

sasha told me

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

IUSHDI:GHSDI:GH

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

sasha?!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

yes Â¬Â¬

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

well taht chanegs things

_frazzlyram! says:

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

tomorrow im goin to talk to that girl

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

haha

_frazzlyram! says:

well since we sit across from each other in geometry

_frazzlyram! says:

and needed something to talk about hahah

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

wow. . . ima talk to that girl still! ahaa, before i was complaining to her how too many people know. oh weeell

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

anywasy

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

enough about my love life. tell me about yours!!!!

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

well its not LOVE lfie. . but yeah you know. .

_frazzlyram! says:

aw. don't worry, it'll get better in time :]

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha, naaahhh. i bet you anything he will get too annyoed with me. he already says im wierd and embarrasing.

_frazzlyram! says:

aw. he seems to like you so much, though

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

pshhhhh

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

he was a jerk over the summer to me

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

bt now. . iono its wierd

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

yeahh btu dont tell him i said that

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

but yeah he made me cry a lot. and was way dramatic. then arguing. ughhh

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

oh well

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

tahts why im suprised its still working out.

_frazzlyram! says:

i'm gonna talk to that boy T_T

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

NOOOOO

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

he is nice NOW

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

rofl

_frazzlyram! says:

haha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

dont say anything!!!!1

_frazzlyram! says:

if he makes you cry again, i will destroy him

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

like joyce was talking to me. . "woah he is like way nice now. that banana peel is wiieeeerrrddd"

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahahaha

_frazzlyram! says:

bahaha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

good

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

but yeah. . i dont think he will. he is way too nice now. its wierd.

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ohh well

_frazzlyram! says:

maybe he was struck with love Â¬Â¬

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

psh what love is in this so called rellationship? aha. i still refuse to hug, and i freaked when he tried to hold hands. thats why i bet you anything he is going to get sickand tired of me

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

eh im just way paranoid

_frazzlyram! says:

aww

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

yeahh

_frazzlyram! says:

do you like him?

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

well. . . UGH everyone is so direct

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

ahaha

B a i l Ã© y. --> [[whom is JoycÃ©]] says:

unfortunatly

_frazzlyram! says:

hahah aw well idk.

yeah btu im still afraid it wont work out.

oh well

anyways

_frazzlyram! says:

anyways.. at least you have someone

_frazzlyram! says:

i'm so hopelessly single

_frazzlyram! says:

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

IM SORRY

i hate being in that position. . eh. david is like. . the first to be honest. ahaha. buuut dont tell him that. he will LAUGH at me. well there was Edward, but thast it

aw, well youshould tell your lvoe how you feel then everything should be better!

_frazzlyram! says:

aw.

_frazzlyram! says:

ehh..

ehh. . ?

_frazzlyram! says:

i wouldn't want to tell him just yet.. he's still.. "in a relationship"

oh. . well maybe they will break up or something. . like not wanting to be mean or anything. btu yeah! then you can have him all for yourself!!1 (: <3

soo there is still hope!

^_^

_frazzlyram! says:

hhaha. i'm waiting, but i kinda hope they don't, he's so happy with her. it'll sound cliche, but ijust want him to be happy :]

aw but i bet he will be happier with you! and maybe he isn't as happy as he seems. you never know!

and you are better then whoever the other girl is i bet you ANYTHING

_frazzlyram! says:

i guess time will tell =/

rofl

my emo story: Part6; and final.

the rest of the school year, i fought on, trying to find some happiness to keep a light burning inside me.

nothing.

i got a boyfriend, [actually, this was my third one.]and i was so in love.
but i didn't want him to have a girlfriend like me.
i broke up with him because i knew he deserved better.

it wasn't until late that summer that i found a sanctuary.

bring in The Jonas Brothers.
a family friend was already into them, right when It's About Time came out.
she told me about them.
i liked them.
of course, i was just a casual fan, i had already found a new favorite band, Tokio Hotel, and they weren't about to get bumped from that spot.

i saw how the JoBros were so free and fun, and happy.
it made me so jealous.
but in a good jealous way.
Joe was the best, with his neverending energy,
it cheered me up everytime i saw them.

there it is.. that little light i thought was lost forever..
sparking and renewing.

and once again, they made mainstream, and i saw them everywhere, and it got annoying.
at least i found the light in my heart, though.
i'm still a JB fan, but it's just not as special anymore, since they're so populr.

but, since then, i've been thinking of things that make me happy.
and whenever i'm down, with a slight chance of saving, i think of my happy thoughts;

~the darkchocolate dipped chocolate ice cream bars that come around one a year during summer,
~Tokio Hotel,
~Peter Pan,
~watching the little waves on a calm day at City Beach, and when you can see the seafloor at the peak of the itty bitty clear waves,
~the color purple,
~Jonas Brothers,
~blacklight raves,
~friends you can just talk to,
~taking pictures,
and many more.

what good days come :D

ENTER PRESENT DAY.

my emo story: Part5;

i had my first piano lesson today.
apparently i learn really fast. :]
but there's a lot of habits i need to kick to really learn.
sorry nails, i must cut you off..

~~~~~

the next day at school, i felt like shit.
wanting to throw up, eyes puffy from crying..
i took that day as a day to find my true friends, and then to die.
i knew a friend who took pills before,
and she was the one i went to.
i wanted to know what i did wrong.

and she went to the counselor.

i hated that.
i didn't want attention. i wanted all the attention to go away already.
you'd think that if a person did something with the intention of no tomorrow, that they wouldn't think about having more attention.

but no, everyone took it as a "Charlotte needs attention! bring her to the hospital! make it a scene!"

i knew the confided friend only told my new closest friend.
and she didn't tell anyone, but with the silent riot in the school office, word got around of what i did.

i could see who honestly cared, but then there were the 'mourners' who just wanted to see if i really tried doing myself in.

this was less than a week before my birthday.

and it didn't help that the whole staff knew now.
the teacher who brought on the last screamfest from my dad actually tried being nice to me a couple times.
and counsellors kept 'dropping in' on me, to see if i was still in the state they left me in.
and i couldn't even tell my story right to the people trying to find out why i did whatever i did.

and that pissed me off because i wanted people to know.
i wanted them to see how everything they did was still scarring me.
and exactly what they were doing wrong.

but it would take a story as long or longer than this for them to get the message.

and i found myself as a troubled child.
how fitting for my emo attire.
of course, i hid how i felt on the inside when i was in public, especially with my friends.
i didn;t want to trouble them with how screwed up i am.

and i know what my parents would say.
"how can we help you if you don't tell us?"
and the problem?
they lost my trust quite a while ago when they wouldn't allow me to have friends.
and then news that reaches my parents about me will travel around to the whole freaking family.

when i saw my aunt on my birthday, she was preaching to me about going to hell if i was my own murderer.

my sister.. my sister cared, but i didn't want to keep talking so much, so she didn't know the whole story either.

i wanted to see a therapist, yes.
i wanted help.
i didn't want to want to die.

but my parents.. i forget what they said, but i think they wanted me to be as normal as i wanted to be.
but they didn't want me to see anyone.
i don't know why.

my emo story: Part4;

i got a tv in my room yesterday, finally.
but it's huge.
not like a cool, plasma tv, but it's.. huge like 'omg i can't believe this tv still even works'
and no cable =/
i have 2 tvs to myself, and no cable.
all i can do is watch movies and play video games on them.
*sigh*

~~~~~

the first time, i did it to end my life.
i didn't want it anymore.
nothing was going right, and maybe i could be reincarnated again and have a different, happy life.
but it didn't work, i passed out in the bathroom with a full sink[of water],
and went to school the next day like i would any other day.

then, more issues with teachers.
i had this one teacher for both choir and fitness class.
she wasn't exactly the nicest teacher.
quick with the detentions.

and so, after not bringing my p.e. uniform, she didn't have any lunch detention slips, so i ended up with an after school detention.
those ones get the parents involved.
yeah, i was just pissed.
i didn't let it show, i got detentions before, but just for gum chewing. even though i'm probably the nicest kid in school.

and i have this thing..
i express myself through words, you know?
and we had a writeup thing we had to do in detention about what we did, how the teacher could help us and blah blah blah.

so i filled it out with the worst words i could think of, just to get my anger out.
and, remember when i told you i'm not the most focused kid? yeah.
i missed re-writing a question, and so it was kept with the curse words, and i turned it in.
yeah, real smart eh?

so when my dad came to pick me up, she showed it to him,
and then my dad got pissed, and he's the kind to yell until you think you're about to die.
and, again, i just wanted to die.

this second time, i did it because i wanted to die.
but also, if i lived, like last time..
i wanted to see if anyone cared.
maybe i'd be doing everyone a big favor by getting rid of this mess of a child myself.

so back in the bathroom, i went. right when we got back home.
this time, with pills.
now, i have no idea what the hell i did wrong, but i lived through it.

my emo story: Part3;

i saw a cloud shaped like Reptar today.
i was just spacing out, and staring at the sky, noticing how especially pretty the clouds looked, and there it was.
i miss the days when Rugrats still played.

~~~~~

without the calming of my rock music, i felt the pang of getting back to reality.
things were really getting to suck.

when my grades didn't get better, the parents didn't let me be with friends much.
when someone called for me, they were told i was "doing homework".
if a friend in the neighborhood came over, i "wasn't home"

and of course, the no boyfriend rule.

musicless, and alone, i was having the worst damn time of my life.
i developed depression.
the most important thing i needed at that time was just some loving.
from the family, from the friends..

yeah, me and the parents gave hugs to each other, and i knew they weren't about to kick me out to the streets, but it was that whole becoming anti-social that really killed me.
if my parents wouldn't let me have friends, just because i was a bit incompetent with my learning, it made me question.

me and the best friend were starting to fight,
the original group of friends stopped talking to me and i was never invited to parties because i couldn't go anyways..
even the few friends i had left were hanging out without me, because i wasn't allowed to go anywhere without talking it over with my parents about where i was going, when i was going there, who was i going to be there with, when i wwas coming back..

and then i was alone.
alone, and the freaking staff at every school i made my way to always treated me the same.
i was always really quiet, and apparently being quiet, and looking a little punk meant i was going to be the troublemaker and the bad influence and the girl you wouldn't want to bring anywhere near home to your mom.

did ANYONE want me?!
some "friends" i had, i knew they were mostly my friends because i knew how to dress, and i was pretty ace with the eyeliner by then.

my emo story: Part2;

well, today was one of the most terrifying experiences i've had in a long time;
i nearly forgot my ipod in a movie theatre.
i was watching Hancock, and got really into it, and it wasn't until we were in the car, already leaving when i remembered.
goodness gracious, i can be really absentminded.

but back to my story?

~~~~~

i knew Green Day had been around for a while, [my sister is a fan,] and i found more songs of theirs, and i was so intrigued by them.

and, getting more and more into Green Day, i found other bands that touched that other part of my soul.
i found My Chemical Romance, and Fall Out Boy, and those 3 bands became my main music.
including, of course my old radio pop tunes.

and so, along with the new music, i found a new look that apparently came along with the sound.
all this eyeliner, and black, and tight jeans..
i thought it looked great.
and a great break from all the preppy clothes i saw all the time.

slowly, yet steadily, by the next year, i had settled into the emo scene.

and i was suprised as hell to find out that loads of people i knew had gotten themselves into this place too.

and then i found out.
"Emo; The New, Deadly Trend?"

"New Teen Fad ,More Than The Rebel Stage"

fuck. just when i thought i was getting to be just a tad original.
and people thought that all emo kids wanted to die!
yeah.. by that point, it was just a fashion trend.

and since me and my best friend were the the biggest wearers of black; she wore a ton of eyeliner, and i liked wearing bandannas around my neck[ it kept me warm in this chilly town i hate and we live in]; we had those supervisor people following us everywhere in school, thinking we were off to recruit people into our gang and then go smoke some pot out by the dumpster.

HAHA, right?
it's real funny to have people judge you by how you dress.

but by that point, i had been getting into deeper and deeper problems.
i found myself having issues with my schoolwork, not because i wasn't focusing, but it just wasn't sticking.
so the grades slipped.
consequence?
parental intervention.
my parents freaked out because i used to be a straight A student, with all my fancy smart people classes and all those little awards they give you when you're an obedient little child in school.

what bad timing, eh?
my parents blamed me listening to music too much, and took away the cd player.
it's like they ripped off a part of my soul.

my emo story: Part1;

this is a few-part journal. [i'm not sure how many parts i'll put into it.
pretty much a story, though it's completely non-fiction.
starting from my first encounter with 'emo'
'til now, with my newfound 'inner light'.

i guess i want someone to know how i got to this point, and it'll be fate if someone actually has the patience and interest to read all my ranting ..
and i'm sorry the title sucks, but i couldn't think of anything else. =/

hope you enjoy my life story;

~~~~~

i remember when i first really got into rock music.
i believe i was in 5th grade, and it was nearing election time.
i turned on the tv, and it was tuned to MTV [many thanks to my sister]

the video that was playing? Holiday, by Green Day.
it was the first time i saw the video, and it was already half over.
i didn't give a crap about the lyrics right then, i was mesmerized by Billie Joe, his voice, his eyes, and then the music behind it.
the video production was great, and really reflected the strange emotion the song was pulling out of me.

right then, i realized i had found something to really love.
later, i found outmy sister had American Idiot, and i was attached to that cd for the longest time. i brought along my little cd player [ipod wasn't around yet, i don' think..] with me everywhere, and i just.. really listened.

i really liked this new introspective feeling when i listened.
it felt kind of sad, but in a good way. like i felt it as it was on it's way out of me.
it was just so great!

ohnoe i'm sick.

yes. so i missed school today.
didn't want to throw up on the kids that have no regard for others.

anyways, i'm home alone and real bored; which brings up a good question:

what's some good stuff to do when you're bored?

answers, plz?
tv is stupid, and music gets boring sometimes.

i wanna go party.
but i'm sick
and there's nothing going on today.

blehh.

so maybe i'm allergic to blueberries..

which kinda sucks because i like blueberries..
especially when they're frozen and you eat them with cookie doguh and cheesecake ice cream from Coldstone Creamery.

mmmm...

but honestly;
i ate ONE blueberri.. and went upstairs to the computer..

then.. all of a sudden my stomach starts freaking out and starts telling me "go to the baaatthrooommm.. the baaaathrooommm..."

so i did..

and now here i am.. pondering whether or not blueberries are good for my stomach.. darn.

i had a sweet recipe with blueberries in it that i was gonna make for breakfast tomorrow.. but if i'm allergic.. well.. that's gonna be one interesting day at school..

i'm hungry...

hahaha i'm sorry this is a stupid journal, but i AM hungry..so i'm gonna go get some food now... and yes, i'll delete this journal later... when i'm not hungry...anymore....

oh and btw, i have taking back sunday stuck in my head, that's just for space needed to waste ok i'll leave now...